Dear Dierdre

It has been roughly 20 days since my last confession.

Nothing has changed. Life is boring. Christmas is sorted

Two weeks off work has helped me crack through the Buffy saga from start to season 4

Big week planned from the 10th to the 17th..
10th Family Dinner
14th Disney Roadshow - Edinburgh
16th Staff night out
17th Families Christmas party

I may be dead by Christmas

You load 16 tons and what do you get?

Another day older and deeper in debt. St peter don't you call me because i can't go
I owe my soul to the company stove.

Classic from the 1950's at 1955 it was the highest selling single, pretty impressive.

I've decided to turn my attention from work and really focus on my piano since it seems to be the only thing keeping me sane. Practised for the entire day. Learned a very beautiful piece. At the end of today i've looked back on my progress and realised to what end did i practise this?

To quench my hunger for learning, impress others or out of sheer boredom. When you don't know the answer then a daunting truth hits, a voice that says 'No one will hear this piece' In essense is my day wasted? No.

I look back on today and say, i havnt practised like that for years. The dynamics of this piece still need attention and that will only come after it becomes fluent. However, i have learned a new style of playing that i had only seen being used. With this realisation, i know that this song i learned so that someone would fall in love with me.

Who wants that honey?

My blood boils. I cannot sleep.

My head is filled with thoughts of my love, her curves send my soul on fire. However when i close my eyes to sleep my minds filled with confrontation of violent nature. So tell me do i suffer from Lust or Wrath.

I know which one i want to suffer from. I think i'll tell her.

Besides the point, i cannot sleep.

Now i'm nostalgic as to back in the day when i'd hang out with friends near everyday and we'd record songs. That was real happiness. It feels like my lifes wasting away now.. I need some action in my life and i'm gonna get it. Roll on a band! (Again)

I've decided i can't sleep because i'm excited to see her

Holidays almost over

Whereas i have nothing to show for my week off i'm very happy to say i've enjoyed myself which was exactly what i needed.

I've learned that going up Falkirk town is always a constant mistake. I have no idea why i keep trying. Had more fun at home having a little drink with family and friends. In that sense i am exactly like my parents. I'm not seeing the allure of going out, i wonder if you do.

Now to just look forward to the christmas period =D

On an extremely brighter note! in 3 weeks time i have another fortnight off...oh yes

Why won't the pumpkins come back to the UK?

Poptart, whats the matter?

Did you lose what your after?

Went out last night for the first time in ages, didn't go as bad as i thought it would. A nice break.. eventually all the girls started talking about breasts and got some really awkward feeling so we left!

Death row and New Vegas night which was fun. Apart from snoring, this guy snores like a motherf*cker. I've been up since 6.

Darker Morning & Darker Days make me happy. I'll just try to hold on

Here is no why

Desperate and displeased. With whoever you are. Your a star.

Lost inside the dreams, of teen machines.

The world is a vampire.

Sittin still was never enough

Intoxicated with the madness, i'm in love with my sadness

Time is never time at all. You can never ever leave without leaving a piece of youth.

Despite all my rage i'm still just a rat in a cage!

Shakedown 1979, cool kids never have the time

Who wants that honey? just as long as theres some money.

Tell me all of your secrets, cannot help but believe them.

Tell me i'm the only one, jesus had no other son

Try to hold on, to this love. A little bit longer.

Try, try, try, try, try, try, try

Poptart, whats our mission? do we know but never listen

We must never be apart.

I know you better than your thinking

Anphetamine, annie dog...

And i don't even care to shake these zipper blues

Fool enough to almost be it, cool enough to not quite see it.

Pick your pocket full of sorrow, run away with me tomorrow.

Try and ease the pain, somehow we feel the same well
no one knows, where our secrets go

I send my heart to all my dearies when your life is so so dreary

I'm over to the straight and narrow, where the harlots of my perils scream.

And i'll fail, but when i can. I will
Try to understand. That when i can, i will

I just want to be me.

Mother weep the years i'm missing, all that time can't be given...back

Week Off!

In a week! but i'm still looking forward to it. I have been offered to go stay in Milton Keynes with my Auntie whom i miss dearlie but i think i'd rather leave that to my two week holiday in November! Buzzing!

I will do something with it. Unlike last time when it was wasted away on long lies and in general 'lazy days'

Re-discovered a love for Europe - The Swedish 80's band who couldn't find any luck with producers in their home country, came to ours and found fame. Every song is basically the same, but it's that distinction, that tiny difference in each song that makes it so much more special. Gives you the seem feel so you know it's the same band but has a completely different meaning. Truly amazing at their respective instruments.

I don't think i can handle or be bothered with 6 new members of staff... it's all so similiar as last time.

I need suggestions honeybunch

How

Can you reignite my fire in a look and a smile. Damn your slender tender appearance!

Tonight i fairly kicked ass, my manager even admitted it. I'm feeling awesome for sure. Even better is that tomorrow is my day off. I want something planned but i'm not sure what. The realisation of how short this life is... it's getting me down. I need a plan and a darn good one. The funny thing is i think i might get one..

I wish i could see you sleep...







not Edward Cullen style

Wrath

Today, i gave into one of the most destructive sins. For a minute i lost myself and for a lifetime i'll regret it. I've never been much of an angry person, i lost who i was over something so trivial. Something i should have been to shrug off as 'they are an idiot' but was unable to. I gave into my destructive nature, and the things i wanted to do were brutal. It's only untill i'm writing this that i understand that with enough wrath one could no doubt destroy the world.

It couldn't have been the subject at hand, so where does my rage come from. Maybe i do know and am too afraid to say. Eek

On the other hand...TimeCrimes! finally came in the post and i'm buzzing, for i was told it was awesome and i did believe...it's looking epic so far. So the breakdown is; a man lives out his normal day untill when he wakes up he see's a woman running naked in the woods, he does what every good civilian would do (Really!?) and go out and see. When he arrives in the woods, she's dead and a psychopath weilding a pair of scissors and a pink bandage over his head chases the man, succeeding to stab him. After a long running scene the man escapes to a silo. He meets a scientist who promises him that he can hide in this tub of liquid (right) to escape the masked killer. Upon jumping in the tub, he quickly comes out only to realise it's earlier in the day and the scientist doesn't recognise him. SO! he decides to go home and finds himself living out the day as he had. Then he see's a naked girl in the wood so once again he investigates. This time he gets there maybe a minute earlier? to watch himself getting chased in the same scenario.

I'd keep talking but it just gets too complicated from here on...awesome film though, very excited!

Now your a man!

i've swallowed my pride, i'm doing what i can cos now i'm a man

Well.. Yesterday was a day unlike any other. Woke up on time, got to work 15 min early and done a huge blow for barbarianism and kicked my paperworks ass...but wait, thats not all. I also did the managers daily check too. Never realised how easy would could be if i got a little perspective! Thus i have changed my title too - Super Efficient Supervisor Craig Alston of Falkirk!!!

And today is my day off and guess what? it's the 25th anniversary of back to the future so i know what i'm doing.

I know i'm just less than three months before the big woosh but i'm getting pre-christmas tingles. I love it, for me it's constant happiness along with warn fuzzy feelings despite the weather. I know i won't be able to get my car out of my drive though.. grrr

Please

Motivation

I can't seem to find any

Behind every great man is a great woman. If the saying holds true i shall become an elder god.

I shall aspire high, i'll face what i hate and i'll grow stronger for it.
What am i talking about? Uni of course! I may be late but it's better than never.

I may lack the higher to gain entry to my desired course but i'im sure my other qualifications and experience will hold.

Here goes, Wish me luck!

When will you come back to me my love?

Black hole sun

Won't you come?

It has been a month and not a lot has changed in my life.

I can claim that i've been on a night out for the first time in months which is a small win. Watched 'Moon' with Sam Rockwell & Kevin Spacey which has been my plan for a while. It doth rock.

I'm getting the pre christmas feeling right about now. When Halloween has passed it'll hit me full force... damn advertising. On the other hand it does inspire joy like none ever seen.

Catch me in the right mood at christmas and i'll do anything that isn't illegal or unsanitary!

More importantly lies the choice at the end of next month. My purchasing skills are key. I'd go as far as to say legendary but..

Less is more???

I'm going to pull you in close

I've found my christmas song!
Long day at work. Sorcerers Apprentice with Chiz afterwards. It's all very enjoyable.

I'm teary tonight, i might just be tired. Theres no escapism or any peace. Even 'the picture of Dorian Gray' doesn't relax me, the amount of homo-eroticism is very uncomfortable. It's no wonder he was sent to jail..Not that it's a bad book or he's a bad writer...

Mini rant/ First chapter breakdown - 'So right i'm painting your picture and you mind that guy i mentioned one time that i met in a bar?'

'Aye?'

'Well i'm gonna describe him as a beautiful perfect being for about 12 pages and how he's all amazing and all mine and i feel like i've projected something of myself into him. He completes me.'

'Ok, Lets meet him.'

'No...aw ok then'. FIN

Not long till christmas

Disarm

Week off. Busy one. Ohh yaaa

Electric razor started working again so hell yeah to that. In the habit of going to sleep at 5 in the morning, waking up 5 at night. Need to get my pattern back and get my three meals a day back in.

Think i may get myself that laptop finally. Get myself a wee cam and make a photography folder. Something different that i can reflect on...

Smallvilles getting awesome

80th

It's my grandfathers birthday tonight and it's been an awesome night.

So why am i so sad?

He's one crazy old coot...gave me the whole shpeil about joining the masons and what not which the constant background question 'do you believe in god?' eventually you have to say yes...i mean...he's old.. haha

I've found someone new in my life, her name is lizzy caplan and she's an american actress born in los angeles..Now i just need to get there..and famous..and sexually attractive.. and every other desirable feature... damn.

Almost my week off from work. I'll need to plan ^-^

Doomsday

Today was my first day off in a while, Really needed it. I'm falling to bits

Visited my grandmothers grave today, got me to thinking how well i knew her, what her message was to me. I'd like to believe the only reason we exist in each others lives is to affect their development in a certain way, so how did she relate to me apart from being the woman i used to adore.

Glasses have broken, car broke down, lost a float. I think i'm going insane. Need to lay off the hardcore cocaine and get my head sorted.

M where are you

could use someone to talk to

Beautiful Disaster

Today seems like a good day, burn a bridge or two.

4 Opens in a row. Takes me back to the school and college days. Can't really be bothered with it. Eclipse aswell.

This is turning out so be one really sad week guys! Darkest before the dawn and all that so here's praying...Lottery!!!

A month gone by without a blog, i think it may be going out of fashion

Smallville rolls on.

Fragile

Not only a yes album.

My health has been failing over the past few days but i'm glad to report that i havn't felt better!

Seems like everythings slightly looking up. i'm quite glad. I've always been happy but never this much.

Really motivated to do something amazing..

i think i have an idea...

Poetry is the new calling! <3

No more Smallville....PLEASE!!!

i'm hooked on smallville. i have no idea why, it's terrible.

Like a terrible batch of cocaine - it's got all the crap of the day mixed it
15% - Predictable Bad Guy
10% - Predictable Ending
14.9% - Lana Lang
60% - Meteor shards causing evolution in the townsfolk (Every single frikkin episode!)
0.1% - Baking Powder/Soap Powder/Cocaine/Lex Luthor

But i can't stop watching it because Lex Luthor's the man...

Whether It's Kevin Spacey or Michael Ronsenbaum, He's rocking me slightly...
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It's because he's bald like Billy Corgan, OK!?

Ohhhh heart! your heart! our heart!

oh jee whizz...oh boy and all the other silly sayings!

<3!

have no idea what i'm saying... okay... i'm leaving now =)